Post Ireland

12:50 P.M. Dublin Time
9-27-15

(i wrote this entry down in a journal i took with me abroad. Actually, it is one of the only excursions i have notes for written down. i didn't have/ take the time for most other places. Now, i might disagree with how i portray myself in this, but i like how it shows what i thought of myself then. i have changed since then. Or maybe i underestimated myself. Maybe both.)

   I'm sitting in the airport, waiting for our gate to open so we (me & Jess) can board. Just thinking about the weekend we had, it seems so crazy, so unreal, so unlike me. Well, parts of it seem unlike me. Getting to see The Book of Kells, Trinity College, the Irish countryside, the Cliffs of Moher, that seems like me. i loved the cobblestone streets and the preppy style. There was NO shortage of cute boys either! i loved the friendly people! i just can't believe i went!
   The food was great! Although, Jess pointed out this morning that we hardly had ANY vegetables while here! All meat and potatoes! :)

(To Be Continued . . .)

In an Airplane

On the Way to Ireland

11:38 A.M. Barca Time
9-24-15

   The clouds seemed to hang on strings, suspended weightlessly, looking as if they were put there on purpose; as if each's placement was selected individually like props on the world's stage.

Breakfast Chats and Bike Paths

Monday, 7-25-16

   i had breakfast with a friend yesterday. We caught up with each other as we ate and then went for a walk. All the time, we discovered more about each other’s newer selves, which hadn’t existed the last time we talked.

   We talked about confidence in ourselves – or a lack thereof. We talked of school and relationships and finding ourselves. i talked about Europe and my adventures and how it changed me. And no one back home really has a connection to that Me – or version of Me. We talked about our new selves as just being upgrades of the old Us. The Me 2.0.

   But i don’t feel confidence in this new Me. i sometimes feel like the Me 2.0 is rejected by my old friends. They are happy with the version of Me they already have.

   He told me that i am – i should know – beautiful. i was ashamed to think i was surprised by that.        Not just because my friend, who i wouldn’t expect to say that . . .

   He said, “Everyone can know you can do it, but until you know it . . .” and he gestured at his head.

And it’s funny how it takes someone else telling you something about yourself to realize it. He told me, “It sounds like you are on the verge – and are ready for – an adventure and to take on the world.”

 That’s quite the plan, i thought.

  i am.

July Reflection

Neymar and Messi Twinning

7-18-16

     I pulled my Neymar Jr. shirt out of the wash and hung it up to dry. I thought about hanging it on Cristina’s laundry lines in Barcelona. Then I figured out that that that was probably a false memory because I only had the shirt at the end of my semester.

It’s fading already.

     Jess came over for my dinner party this weekend, and we both wore our jerseys together. Seeing the Neymar jersey on the hanger in my own laundry room made me think about what Jess and I shared while we were away. We may not have been the closest of friends while we were away, but we are staying pretty close this summer (knock on wood!). I’m very excited about that. We shared something that none of my friends back home shared with me. We will always be tied together like that. None of them – my home friends – can understand. Some of them even seemed to turn their noses up at who I was abroad when they heard the stories.

     But Jess only knew the Abroad Me. Despite living only an hour from each other at home, we met in the same place approximately 3,700 miles away. With that distance from home, we were able to be a different versions of ourselves – maybe in good ways, maybe in bad. Possibly, Jess saw me at my most reckless, and possibly, I saw her at her most vulnerable. Our friendship now, I think, is stronger because of it: because of the different places we explored together, because of being homesick together, because of being lost together.

     I didn’t find myself in Europe. I was looking too hard. But I don’t think I lost myself there either. I think what I did in Europe helped me find out some – and only some because I have more discovering to do – of the things I can be. 

i am . . . forgetting and discovering.

The Sunset on My Journey & After Coming Back . . .

The Sunset on My Journey

   On the last night of my fall semester, i did two things:

1. i met up with one of the few locals i met while in Barcelona, Guillem. We wandered back over to the square he took me the last time we had met. (Ironically, "last time" was also the first time we had met, and this would be our last while - for now.) We sat and talked for over an hour, and i really am confident that i have found a friend who i will keep. *More on this story later.*
   (i know, i sound like a Lifetime movie. Well, get your tortilla chips 'cause it's about to go to a whole 'nother level of cheesy here.)

2. i saw the sunset with Chels, Sofie, and Jess.
We sat on a relatively grassy hill next to Barceloneta. It was amazing: right on the beach, over the silhouettes of buildings, a palm tree in front of us. Chels was getting all sentimental and kept repeating how much she would miss us ("so much"). We watched the sunset, which is an experience i don't think i will ever get tired of.

   Chels was getting sentimental again, leaning her bushy blonde head on my shoulder. i laughed out loud, both at Chels and because i realized something. i said, "You know, in literature, this would be highly symbolic." ('Cause that's the kind of dork i am.)
   "Really?" she asked.
   "Yeah, really," i said. "The ending of a day, the end of our semester."
   "Huh." Then, typical Chels, she got distracted and decided to play some music.
    The sun was already behind the buildings and the light was orange from behind them. She put her phone in the grass and got up to dance on the hill in front of the silhouettes of the hotels, including The W, and buildings on the skyline. She sang along to the lyrics, not caring one bit who might see her. i love that about Chels. i decided to get up with her. It was contagious! She just looked like she was having so much fun. i didn't know what to do with my awkward-dancing self to her American pop music, but it didn't matter.
   We danced to some music that Chels played on her phone. Sofie looked on, smiling. When Jess came, she laughed, saying, "Of course you two are dancing."
   Yeah, i was dancing. i danced with Chels like no one could see us - i highly doubt anyone was really watching. i played a Hunter Hayes song for her ("Anything About You") and she liked it. We danced on that semi-grassy hill over the beach as the light and colors (symbolically) faded from the sky. And in that time, i felt great! No other way to put it. i felt on top of the world! i felt lucky. i felt . . . unbelievably and overwhelmingly content. And i didn't want it to go.
   We talked about it on that hill that night. i had a hard time - we all did - wrapping our heads around the fact that we were all in this place together now . . . but when we went home, we would all be separated - flung across the U.S. into different states, into different time zones, onto different coasts. We wouldn't be able to see each other for a late lunch or study together or even be at the same school. It made home not feel so much like home. And it would be hard to see each other again. We didn't talk about that. That was too difficult.


   Now that my trip abroad is over, you might think I'd be done with this blog, that, like the sunset,  the time had passed. But, i want to see what other adventures i can record. i never talked about the excursions i took, and i have tons of stories. i don't want to lose those. So, it might not be as frequent, but i do want to keep going with this. i started it, and i would hate to see it end before i completed it.
   i am planning on going back through my study abroad trip, beginning probably with the Sitges trip since that was only Sept, 20th - about a week into my semester. i never finished that entry, talking about that night. So, that's my new beginning.
   i wrote a short story using some of my experiences while i was abroad, but it was more difficult than i thought it would be. It was hard to revisit, relive. Bittersweet. As you can imagine.
   i thought of using my study abroad experience and turning it into a book, and if i ever get to, it would be helpful to have all this stuff written down somewhere. Jess asked me, "Do you even remember everything?" Well, no. No. i don't. And i won't. But i remember more now than i will in a year, or two years, or more. i need to write down what i do know. And, i'm hoping you'll come along with me. Maybe you can't do the whole trip or maybe you'll stop in here and there, and that's fine. i will enjoy the company when i can get it.

My Sort-of Epilogue:

How We Became "The Gal Pals"

i imagine having a conversation with The Gal Pals going something like this:

Me: How did we become The Gal Pals, again? When was that name brought up?

(Beat)

Sofie: i think Jess mentioned it. . . ?

Jess: Wait, i think it was Josh . . .

Josh: Well, i had said to Jess -

Chels: (just tuning in although she's been sitting there the whole time) Huh? What?


Yeah, . . . that's us.
i am . . . a Gal Pal.

Last Days of WWOOT

WWOOT Day 5: 

   Thursday. So, like i said before, Thursday was technically cancelled. Lea had a callback that day anyhow, so she met us at the restaurant later. You're probably like "What restaurant?! Thursday was cancelled." Well, the daytime plans were cancelled. The nighttime got re-arranged. Nighttime, daytime. Nighttime, daytime. See the difference?
   So, since Thursday was supposed to be Ma's day, she picked the restaurant. She has been wanting to go to Marco's Italian restaurant in Peabody for a while apparently. (She was obsessed with Teresa's Italian restaurant in Middleton for soooo long, so I'm just glad we might have found her a new place to drag my dad to.)
   The service was excellent and the food was delicious! No complaints here. They let us take our time to wait for Lea. We had wine and lamb and veal and mozzarella and tomatoes and pasta and dessert - all scrum-dilly-icious as Dad says.

WWOOT Day 6: Final Day of WWOOT

  Ma warned me ahead of time that the event for this night was for Lea - mostly just for Lea. In translation: you might not like it as much.
   I got defensive about this in my head because i said to myself, What could Lea enjoy that i wouldn't enjoy? AND Ma and Dad have to sit through whatever it is, too.  . . .  A play? A musical? I doubted both - and besides, i would enjoy them. Basically, i had no idea what we were doing.

   We went to a fancy-ish restaurant at the Copley Plaza Hotel, the Long Oak Bar. Everything was "eh" in the sense that if you're at the Copley and your food costs more than some of my scholarships are worth, it better be dang fantastic. And it was just ok. The service was nothing compared to Abe and Louie's or even Marco's.

   We had to walk to our next place. On the way, we walked through part of - i think - Northeastern's campus and we saw what i called "a castle." It might have actually been a cathedral / church, but it looked like a castle with the high central turret and surrounding stone walls.
   After the castle, everyone on the sidewalk was dressed pretty fancily, and we crossed the street to stand in front of a big marquis that said The Boston Pops. Oh God, i thought, What the heck are we doing here? 
    Now i understood why this was more a thing for Lea. i saw a big sign with the concerts they would perform this season, including concerts with famous singers. Looking back, i feel kinda dumb  because i hadn't remembered that The Pops do concerts with people - you know, people who sing.
   The first half of the show, i almost fell asleep. It was composed (pun intended) of a cello piece played by an Algerian sophomore from Berkley (i think) and a Star Wars tribute to John Williams, which was recorded. When i told Dad, he sarcastically asked, "Why?" during intermission.
   i said, "Gee, i don't know, you just fed me and put me in a warm, dimly-lit room and played classical music to me. Yeah, i have no idea . . ."
   He laughed.
   For the second half of the show, the amazingly-talented Broadway star Sutton Foster took the stage with the Pops, singing "Singing in the Rain," "I Get a Kick out of You," "Anything Goes," and "Gimme, Gimme," among other tunes. It was outstanding! The music, por supuesto, was clear and clean and - i can only explain it like this: it was as though the vibrations of the music moved through you - even sitting in the balcony, we could feel the music tingling through our muscles. Foster's singing was breath-taking - literally. I found myself forgetting to breathe whenever she sang a particularly long belt or sweeping high note.

   On the walk back to the car, we got ice cream at Cold Stone. It was the - well,  the cherry on top!

i am . . . now a Pops fan. :)
 

WWOOT for the Win!

WWOOT Day 3: 

   Tuesday was boring during the day, but that night's excursion made up for it! In the daytime, we slept in a bit and hung at home because i had a headache and didn't feel well. That morning, Mom had made us all a delicious family breakfast of eggs benedict! So good! So good! So good!
   Ma gave us all presents - Red Sox gear - to tell us where we were going that night. i was so excited! It was my first Sox game and my first pro baseball game. How i managed to play baseball and softball all my life and NOT make it to a game in 21 years is beyond me.
   The Sox beat the Colorado Rockies in an 8 - 3 game! AND we saw a home run that game. We were directly behind home plate and had a great view of the field.
   Like a true Bostonian would say, it was WICKED AWESOME!

WWOOT Day 4:

   On Wednesday of our Fun Week, we got pedicures - ALL of us!
   That night, we went out to a Spanish restaurant in Boston. We heard flamenco music while eating tapas and drinking cavas. It seemed everything was expensive for the quality and amount of food that we received. The paella was not very flavorful and at a high cost ($29 - $31), and while the tapas tasted good, there wasn't much to them. The tortilla espanola was creamy, but at $12 a slice, i think it was a bit outrageously priced. i was, however, excited to go to a tapas restaurant, and Mom gave me full reign to order for all of us whatever i thought was best!

   After dinner, we walked over to the SpeakEasy Theater for a performance that took us back to the late 50's and early 60's. With melodic harmonies and a full use of the space with crisp movement (without breaking the fourth wall), the musical Dogfight came to life in front of us. It was "nothing short of wonderful"! It made us laugh, cry, sometimes both at the same time! (Okay, i am a sap, and i cry at a lot of musicals, plays, movies - just stories in general. So, as you can imagine, i cried a good amount during this show.) As a lover of the soundtrack before setting foot in the theater, i really appreciated the voices of the guys in the show, especially Eddie and their vocal performances of the difficult numbers. The harmonies were seamless and smooth, and i felt like i could listen to them all day long.

   Unfortunately, we all felt the tension between Dad and Ma and Dad and Lea that night. Lea wasn't talking because she got yelled at by Dad on the way there because Ma got lost thanks to our GPS, Tim Tim. So, Ma was mad at Tim Tim and herself for getting us into Boston like an hour later than we planned, Dad was mad at Ma for getting lost and for not telling him where we were going because gosh forbid he has to follow someone else blindly (he knows Boston and the roadways better than Ma); Dad and Lea both get carsick when there is a lot of traffic, so they were both probably nauseous; i can't deal with throwing up so i was reading my book in the back trying not to worry about them getting sick; and Dad got mad at Lea when she tried to set up Ma's phone GPS (Google Maps for iPhones or something) instead of Tim Tim.
   Fun family car ride.
   The rest of the night, Lea didn't talk, Ma was aggravated that Lea didn't have more of a reaction to Dogfight, and Dad was so tight he looked like he might turn to stone. I was just stuck in the middle.

   Unsurprisingly, Ma told us at the end of the night that she was cancelling the next day of WWOOT. i think we all breathed a sigh of relief (quietly, of course, so Ma wouldn't know). She didn't think it was the best idea to have us all drive 2 hours somewhere starting at 8 a.m. the next morning. Shocker.
i was . . . relieved.

W.W.O.O.T. Day 2

   So, i have some WWOOT-ing* to write about.

* WWOOT: (verb) to participate in a WWOOT; WWOOT : (noun) a Wonderful Week Of Obnoxious Togetherness, originally pertaining to time spent with a family; the "Wonderful" may or may not be sarcastic.

WWOOT Day 2:

  This was Monday : Dad's Day.
  Ma had decided that each of us got a day of the WWOOT, where we would do things which that person would particularly enjoy. Keep in mind, however, that Ma was planning this so it's things that she would like, too. Therefore, to Dad's dismay, we did NOT go to a WWE fight. Sorry, Dad.
   We DID however get one of Dad's favorite foods: hot dogs. Yes, hot dogs.
   First, you should know that my Dad's life-long dream is to own a hot dog stand on a warm, white sand beach somewhere. He has strong opinions about hot dogs, and he believes that hot dogs should not be priced higher than a couple dollars. He doesn't believe it's fair, since they aren't very expensive. (i think he has a point.)
   So, Ma took us to Newburyport, Mass for some 25 cent hot dogs at a Richdale there. It was mostly for the joke of it than anything. (We are still joking about the hot dogs to my mum because they were not very good.

   We also were taken to a bakery known for their whoopie pies. The pies were small and had been in the fridge too long. They almost seemed stale or at least not fresh. Dad and i did not like that because we agreed that we like our whoopie pies room temperature. Well, Dad said he liked his out-of-the-oven fresh, but how often does that happen?

   At night, Lea - i didn't ask but i'm using her name anyway because she's never gonna read this - Lea had an audition for a play to go to that night. Lea's audition was in Salem, so we ate at the Naumkeag Restaurant near the Gulu Gulu Cafe. It was eh. The food was disappointing, and it wasn't as hoppin' of a place as we thought.

   All things considered, i felt bad for Dad. Ma and Lea were kinda rushing through Newburyport, (Lea didn't feel well), and we didn't have good food (Dad is a real foodie). It was just kinda lack-luster compared to the day before.

W.W.O.O.T!

So, WTH is "WWOOT," right?

   WWOOT is our family's Wonderful Week of Obnoxious Togetherness, in other words, our Stay-cation. (I had told Ma we needed a better name, and i have to say : her creativeness did not go wasted.

Sunday, May 22: WWOOT DAY 1

   We went on a chocolate tour around Newbury Street in Boston! It was sooo yummy! And, we stopped at places like Georgetown Cupcake and Teuscher Chocolates. Our first stop delivered with two free cupcakes from Georgetown Cupcakes, a double chocolate and a chocolate-dipped strawberry one. Teuscher Chocolates let us try their famous champagne truffles filled with a champagne cream and a chocolate ganache and covered in milk chocolate. Rich and creamy, those Swiss sure do make a mean chocolate! I also found out a fun fact that Swiss people eat an average of 26 pounds of chocolate each year. That's more than twice as much as our fat American intake of only 11 pounds. 

   For dinner that night, we ate at the famous Abe & Louie's on Boyleston. Of course, everything was to-die for - maybe even the bill! From the buttery and surprisingly sweet rolls to the peach crisp for dessert, it was all more delicious than i could have imagined! We had:

(I had a very good, fruity white wine from Spain! I was very excited. :) )

Appetizers:

 half-inch thick slices of bacon with crumbled blue cheese

 tuna tartar layered with avocado and pico de gallo on tortilla chips

Entres & Sides:

Bone-In Filet (Mine & Ma's)

Filet Mignon (Lea)

Delmonico (Dad)

Creamed Corn (with bacon)

Asparagas

Blue Cheese Mashed Potatoes

Mac N' Cheese

Desserts:

7-Layer Chocolate Cake (given to us for Ma's birthday) 

Peach Crisp

Vanilla Creme Brulee 

   I went home feeling so overly full, I felt guilty. And tired. But i was so full, i knew i couldn't sleep. Hashtag First World Problems. UUgghhhh it was so good!

i am . . .  spoiled. :)

Summer Bucket List

     I've tried doing a Summer Bucket List before, and it really only felt partially successful because the list grew and grew as the summer wore on. So, this year, I am planning - what I see as - much more "reachable" goals.

     - Projects:
          ~ Read as much as i can.
          ~ Write as much as i can.
          ~ Consolidate / clean out my college & home stuff. (project in progress)
          ~ Watch movies in certain series i have not seen yet*
          ~ Continue / catch up on blog posts from when i was in Europe. (Although they aren't finished yet and therefore not published, i did start some other posts! i am also hoping to continue writing posts this summer about my happenings. i think it is a good writing exercise for me to challenge myself to.)


     - Trips:
           ~ Cape Cod to see my college roommate, Bunky (looks like it might be the weekend before the 4th of July in order to celebrate her birthday!)
           ~ Albany to see my boyfriend and some of my townhousemates (Blogspot, you can underline this word in red, but it IS a word! i know. i use it all the time.)
           ~ up to Maine / the beach


     - Work:
           ~ Paid Internship (looking unpromising)
           ~ Paid job (probably up in Maine again this summer); the goal is to earn A.M.A.P. (As Much As Possible) in order to save up both for traveling this summer and next and - as Mom kindly pointed out - for while i am up at college this year. *sigh* The Travel Fund is looking like it will have insufficient funds for a while.
*NOW ACCEPTING DONATIONS*
     If you are looking to donate, please specify in the comments below. Thank You!


     - Girl's Nights**:
          ~ Splatter Paint day in the yard
          ~ Movie Night
          ~ theme nights (i wanna do some more theme nights! We did a 90s sleepover and all dressed in exaggeratedly 90s outfits with scrunchies, bucket hats, overalls, and awful geometrically-patterned Dad sweaters. It was a ton of fun!)


* This includes, but may not be limited to : Superhero series movies, including X-Men, Batman, and The Avengers series; Indiana Jones; James Bond; Star Wars (i know, shocker, right? Since i am such a dork that you would think i would have seen them by now. Yeah, not so much.)

**I do a lot of "events" i suppose you could say. i host parties, bonfires, dinners, etc. And, i have a group of girlfriends - altogether, 8 of us - who have been the Constants at those get-togethers. So, we have a Girls Group, and i have - since last summer - been especially enthusiastic about doing Girls Nights with them.

i am . . . a writer. In order to get published, generally, i just need other people to know that.

Playing Like a Girl

So, me and Diana were talking tonight about a reading we did for a class we're both in called Writing Women, and it's really got me thinking. Like a lot.
The reading had a quote in it that said “She can write like a man, they said, by which they meant, She can write” (from "On Pandering" by Claire Vaye Watkins).
 It's got me thinking a lot about "playing like a girl" and how women disguise their femininity to present themselves as more 'man-like.' It's sad. J.K. Rowling did it with her pen names - one is a male pseudonym! In She's the Man (based on Shakespeare's Twelfth Night), Amanda Bynes' character, Viola, literally pretends to be a man to prove a point that women can play soccer (sports in general, and anything for that matter) just as well as men. Looking at the script now, I can see that the script pokes fun at expressions, gestures, and social behaviors which are usually thought to be gender-specific.

I remember growing up and playing baseball. I was sometimes the only girl on the team. Those times made me really glad that my nickname was "Alex," not "Allie." Reason: because it was less girly. I was always proud to be less girly than most other girls my age. Diana pointed out, "That's the problem. Less 'girly.'" She's right.

I grew up with the movie The Sandlot. It's still one of my favorites. My fave line?
"You play ball like a GIRL!!" Ham yells.
They all gasp.

It got me thinking: What if we lived in a world where softball came before baseball (and it was still a women's sport)?

I wouldn't have grown up with my parents buying me t-shirts at tournaments that said, "Yeah, I play like a girl. You got a problem with that?" or "You wish you could hit like a girl." There might have been only one boy on my teams sometimes. "Allie" might be my preferred nickname.

If we lived in a matriarchy instead, I wonder what qualities we would value and if some would be the same as in our society today. However, that would make us just as wrong as how dominant the patriarchy is in our world. I think we need a neutr-archy.