Honestly, I just finished going through a period where I was feeling very lonely - in more than one sense of the word. I know, crazy right?!? I'm in a foreign country with people I've only known for a few months and the only taste of home I have here is some microwaveable pancakes and a Dunks on a very, very rare street corner: how the hell could I be lonely???
Well, ta-dah! I did it.
However, this weekend, I was reminded of who I am by the person who knows me best - better than I know myself usually. And I had some much-needed confidence boosts from a couple you-know-who-you-are-and-what-you-mean-to-mes. I felt like an author again - something I didn't realize I hadn't felt in a while. I was reminded that my writing is something to be proud of and that I have a different perspective on the world that can be shared. I was reminded that it's okay to be alone and that I should enjoy it. I was told to take some "Alex Improvement Time." Shopping was also recommended! (I really like that one!) I was reminded that I am beautiful and strong and, as Dad always says, "gorgeous"! I was reminded that I am an artist, that I am a food-lover, athlete, and kind-hearted person. And, that I am young! More than one person reminded me of my young age and spirit and to remember that while I take my time in a city that always seems to take its time. To treat myself. To love everything around me and myself. To enjoy.
There is a verb in Spanish, "disfrutar," and I love it because while it means to "enjoy," and it has "fruta" (fruit) in it. "Take the fruit of life," it says. I have a month left before I go to Roma. I plan to be an expert at "disfrutando" by the time I go.
TODAY
I took myself out today and took your advice:
I went to the diner for breakfast;
I walked around the Old Town, which I always love to do!;
I bought myself a Neymar Jr. Barca jersey (I had to after seeing him play and score that awesome goal!);
I bought myself a new pair of shoes, and I said to myself, "I don´t care if anyone else likes these. I do!" (That´s not usually a thing for me.);
I took myself to a cafe I have been wanting to go to (more on that after*);
I had a gelato with a scoop of caramel and a scoop of chocolate-hazelnut.
* The cafe I went to was one that I read about in my tourist book. (Thanks, Dad!) It was called The 4 Cats (in Catalan, Els Quatre Gats), and it claims that Picasso and "other bohemian intellectuals" used to go there. My waitor helped me pick out a dish that i thoroughly enjoyed! It was eggs, potatoes, Iberian ham, and some white and grey squiggly things I decided not to question because it was so delicious! ( I never found out what they were.) I spent about two hours there, I think! The interior was decorated with mustard and reds, dark woods, and gold accents. One wall was dominated by a large replica of the famous painting with the two men with impressive mustaches on a bicycle built for two. The waitors were all in black dress pants, white shirts, and black vests with bowties. I felt like it was a cafe that Dolly from Hello, Dolly! would have been a regular at!
Mostly through all of this, I took time for myself; I wrote, I read, I thought, and I enjoyed.
Thank you for the reminders.
You always know what to say. And, of course, you're always right.
Love you.
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